Grrl to Grrl
(Advice)

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the question:
I have a problem that nobody can solve! I had a boyfriend for 2 years. I recently had a baby for him (6 months ago). This is where the problem begins! I didnt tell him I was pregnant, he found out the day after I had the baby. Anyways we got in our first fight that month which was 6 months ago and things just went down hill from there. He said he still loved me and we still had a relationship and were very close! My parents got involved about 2 months later and didnt want us together and wouldnt let me take the baby to his house or let me at his house! .. Im not a child either Im 19 years old but since I live in my parents house I had to obey theyre rules and what they said because if they kicked me out I had nowheres to go with a baby. Anyways .. Me and him broke up 2 months ago over the whole situation of him never getting to see the baby. I thought I got over it pretty quick .. I knew I still loved him tho .. And always figured we'd end up back together .. anyways .. I went to his house 2 weeks ago to try to work things out .. and he didnt want to he told me he moved on and that I should to. And that he didnt love me anymore .. But in the same breath he went out with me and we had sex .. He really does have a new gf .. I talked to her about our situation and how there is a baby in the middle but she didnt want to listen. I really do love him and I really want things to work out for the baby's sake .. I know our relationship wasnt that bad and that it could be worked out .. I just dont know what to do!! My heart is broken into a million pieces .. Another thing is .. He doesnt give me any child support for this baby and never has. His gf knows that we went out 2 weeks ago and doesnt care she thinks Im lying about it .. I dont know what to do. I dont know if he's still really mad at me or if he's trying to put up a wall! .. PLEASE HELP!! My head is a mess :(

sheila’s advice
Guys will have sex with just about anyone. It isn't an emotional thing to them as it is to women, so he probably had sex with you because you where willing to do it, not because he loved you.

I know it is hard, but this guy sounds like a jerk You should take him to court for child support and expect nothing more than that from him.

A relationship that 'wasn't that bad,' as you put it, isn't great either and should not be tolerated. In time you will find a new guy with whom you can say you have a great relationship with.

For the sake of your child, put your love into the baby and into making a good life for her. Forget about this guy.

~Sheila

trixie’s advice
Move on. The sooner you do - the better. Your situation is sad - but it doesn't have to continue to be.

Men use love to get sex, women use sex to get love. It doesn't work that way. It can't. Concentrate on you and your baby for now. Be thankful your parents are helping you out.

~Trixie

read what others have had to say:

Name:	Annie
Date:	Sun Apr 13 21:50:48 2003
Wrote... When others tell u.."get over him" i know it's hard. U still love him and there's nothing much u can do about it..u can't stop ur heart from lovin him. U cares so much about ur baby and dun want him/her knowning his/her father was a irresponsible guy. But hey, what happen had happen..u should try to catch him at a time where u guys are alone and deal with it. after all, they baby has half of his blood..=/ but listen..we got gurl power..u can life without him..all u need is ur baby. Also, there r lots of fishes in the sea, im sure there is someone out there who can love u and ur baby :) 64.228.57.17 submitter's IP address

Name:	rachael and skylare
Date:	Sun Mar 9 22:40:17 2003
Wrote... hey , guys don't really think bout the children involed in th relatoinships they only think bout themselves like they are the only people in the world u should just talk to him and see if he wants to ever see his kid again and if he don't then he should have to pay child support love rachael hey , the guy should be more involved wiiiiith the baby b/c it is yalls baby and he is the father and he needs to take care of his child nobody can raise a child by themselves love skylare 66.156.174.150 submitter's IP address

Name:	Blondie
Date:	Wed Jan 29 17:45:04 2003
Wrote... Ok, first of all his child so therefore his responsibility and if he's not willing to take responsibility for you and his child then he didn't love you to begin with he just wanted sex and that's what he got. Second, he isn't willing to pay child's support then why should he care if he sees his child or not? He's not willing to send you money to pay for this child then other than biologically this child isn't his and he should have no right to the child. Period. 65.66.93.165 submitter's IP address

Name:	shaye
Date:	Sat Jan 25 17:53:58 2003
Wrote... Your situation breaks my heart, the guy you were involved with is not what you need or want my darling. he brought a piece of heaven into your life (your baby). i think that you should take care of your child and carry on with life, you have experienced the sour now look for and apreciate the sweet. Good-luck 195.92.168.177 submitter's IP address

Name:	leanne
Date:	Tue Jan 7 12:12:17 2003
Wrote... put your baby up for a adoption that get rid of this man and then go out and find yourself anouther boyfriend and tell ur parents that it's ur life not theres and u will live it how u wnt it! 62.254.64.4 submitter's IP address

Name:	ace
Date:	Tue Jan 7 09:51:40 2003
Wrote... look you need to move on. first of all you are still a child. 18 19 i dont care. by the way im 16 ok. i know cuz i have good friends like you but listen. 1 he isnt a man if he cant take care of his own responsibility. 2 that girl of his is probably a ho fo sho 3 you know you can do better. if u kept him that long then u can. i have never been in a relationship longer than a month. two weeks at the least. then i beat them down. dirty worthless horny pieces of useless material is all they are. 4 you sound like you have a good education. call gerber,they would help u. with you situation. trust me. i dont lie no reason to right. oh and before i go tell that girl that if she wants a dog instead of a real man who could take of his resposibility and be a man and not just have a u know what between his legs than she can have. he is not worth the dirt on your shoes. signed still a virgin 209.114.143.7 submitter's IP address

Name:	d*roc
Date:	Tue Jan 7 09:45:53 2003
Wrote... girl......you is a child i may only be 16 but i know how you feel i mean things like that happen......i was with ***** for a year and 3 months i didnt have a baby or nuttin but he left me for a bia and even tho i still love him i gotta move on 209.114.143.7 submitter's IP address

Name:	Bev
Date:	Tue Dec 31 01:33:06 2002
Wrote... Fifteen years ago, at age twenty-four, I found myself in the same situation. Letting go of my hopes and dreams of a family life with the father of my baby hurt terribly, and it took quite a while to get over. I had to, so that I could get on with my life and find some happiness. Men often don't feel the same as us when it comes to our children. It often takes them ten years or longer after becoming an adult to mature to the point where they are equipped to be loving, involved fathers. Some men never feel the need at all. It's not your fault that he's behaving irresponsibly, but nothing will get better until you decide what's most important. You don't owe him anything, but you do owe that baby. She depends on you for the best possible life, and it is your first duty to provide this. Make her your biggest priority. Write this guy off and put that energy into becoming a success in your own right. It might not seem like it now, but you and your baby will be the ones to come out on top. Get angry, then get moving! And the best of luck to you both. 65.190.76.213 submitter's IP address

Name:	Susi
Date:	Sat Nov 30 23:38:08 2002
Wrote... Your situation breaks my heart, but it's true what the other gals said, you have to move on. Unfortunately, you got involved with a really immature guy. Like she said, take him to court for the child support, and stay away. Maybe in the future when your child's father matures, he will come back and desire a relationship with the child. I wish you the best of luck. 172.138.191.100 submitter's IP address

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