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HOME:Fun and Humor Birthday Blues ........how Shelia survived being alone on her birthday, miles from home....... My birthday fell on a Saturday this year and I was in Hong Kong. The previous few days had been filled with business meetings, but by the time Saturday rolled around, I had the day to myself to discover a new way to spend my birthday. Blonde Ambition I know, you have heard it a thousand times before; blondes have more fun, blondes are bimbos, blondes are stupid. I would like to announce that maybe blondes are just misunderstood. I'm blonde, I don't seem to have more fun than my non blonde friends, I'm far from being a bimbo and I am certainly not stupid. Okay, so I do find Trivial Pursuit a bit too challenging to play, but I function extremely well in every day life. Confessions of a Male Escort It was five to eleven, and sweat was pouring down my face, as my efforts to finish the call and get over to Kensington by eleven thirty started to take their toll. Do I Look like I Need Saving? Do I look like I need saving? Well, maybe I do, but I didn't know that it was that obvious. Maybe it was my location at the time or the look on my face. Possibly if you look around you, most people will appear to need to be saved. It all depends on your outlook and theirs. Flashing North Oh my! I had heard about this sort of thing, but it had never happened to me. The way I had heard people talk about it, it seemed common place. Was it I? Was I not in the right neighborhoods. Did I not look in the right direction? Friday the 13th It's amazing really how many superstitions are still thriving in our educated society, and one of the most common is the idea that Friday the 13th is a day when bad luck looms. How To Eat Anything You Want And Become Really Really Fat First, let me explain what qualifies me to write this article. I have proven over and over again that it works. How do I know? I've tried it myself several times. If I slim down a little bit, I just try this so-called diet and POW, I puff right back up there. Leave Mama's Junk Alone The conversation with my young friend shifted to a brother still living at home. He needed more space in the garage for his car, and Mama's junk was taking up more space than he deemed necessary, so he threw some of it out when Mama was not at home. She'll never miss it, he rationalized. Morning People A morning person I am not. Please don't talk to me unless I've had a good nights sleep, then been awake for several hours and preferably wait until after I've had my extra shot, Grande skim latte. My Life as a Roommate My home, the home I grew up in, has also been home to many others. You see my mother rents out rooms and over the years, it has been sort of a roommate parade. Strangers come in to stay for months and, in some cases, years. Sometimes, they leave still as strangers, sometimes, they leave as very good friends. On Turning 30 As I turn 30 (just typing that sends a shiver down my spine) I realize that my fear of getting older is really rather silly. After all, as many people have pointed out, on that fateful birthday I will really be only one day older than I was the day before. However, I think I have the right to be a bit irrational, no matter how irrational that may be. Swimming in a Kaftan Summer is fast approaching and so is the dreaded thought of going out in public in a swim suit. A time to find ways of avoiding the pool parties, the invitations to the beach and finding outfits that keep us cool, yet the pudginess and cellulite covered. Top Lists Top Five Reasons Why I Like Slim Chicks / Top Ten Reasons Why I Like Fat Chicks Top 10 Reasons Men Don’t Want to be Women 1/ PMS .... Top 10 Reasons Women Don’t Want to be Men 1/ Women and children first to be saved in a crisis.... A Trip Before Moving Cleaning out the basement of all the junk we've acquired since we moved into this home is quite an eye opener. I never realized how much STUFF one family can accumulate. Was I THAT Fat? I think many of us have experienced those three little words at some stage in our lives or another. You've lost weight. I heard this two nights in a row from guys I've known for a while. They added that I was looking good, whilst on one of the occasions a friend suggested that I be insulted by the comment. Dream Etiquette We all love to tell our dreams to our friends. But do our friends love to listen to them? Of course not. I Don't Want Kids: Ever The older I get, the more I know that I lack the desire to have children. I must have a malfunctioning biological clock. I use to just think that I didn't want kids because they would dissolve my independence, but I have actually reached the stage in my life where I am repulsed by the thought of something growing inside of me. The movie Aliens comes to mind when I see a pregnant woman. The Keeper of Memories I was just a bit surprised to discover that I still had nearly every card and letter I've ever received. Not to mention concert and movie ticket stubs, postcards I'd bought when traveling, heart-shaped chocolate boxes from past Valentine's Days, photos, etc. etc. The list is nearly endless. Service Workers Unite Today, I raise the call for service workers, service slaves nationwide, to throw their trays of food and drinks, throw their aprons on the floor, and walk out the door, Unionize! Strike! Demand a living salary! I don’t get it. Why would you bust your ass for two dollars and change on the clock, for a quarter left on the table? Where Did the Time Go Last week I spent a week outside of civilization (ie: Arkansas). I found it was a good time to go through all of the journals, poetry and songs I wrote in my younger days. There were old letters from friends, and letters I wrote that I had never sent. After being packed away for 10 years it was definitely a trip down memory lane. It took the better part of 2 days just to get them in some kind of chronological order. Then the reading began. Do Overs I know we aren't supposed to live with regrets, but doesn't everybody secretly wish they had done something in their past differently? Armed with 20/20 hindsight, I chose five things I would change if I had a do over. Music, Your Mood, and What It Says About You The type of music you listen to has a lot to do with how you approach certain situations. After listening to a Joni Mitchell album, a colleague remarked that we have very different music tastes. She said that my tastes were too soft and whiny. What's Leather Spinsterhood? How often have you heard the term leather spinster and thought it meant something sexually foreboding involving whips,chains, beatings, and God knows what else? Well let me shatter those illusions for you and tell you about leather spinsterhood. Top 10 Signs That You Have An Anger Problem 1. You display your middle finger on the dashboard before you start the car. Ten Things Harry Potter Has Over Hillary Rodham-Clinton Fox News asked the more important question of the day. They asked what Harry Potter has over Hillary Rodham-Clinton in the draw at bookstores in America. Strippers, Protests and Breast Milk - Oh My! An odd little story and my favorite little town made national news recently. Maybe you heard about it on Rush Limbaugh, or Bob and Tom. Perhaps you read about it in the New York Post, or saw it on television. With all going on in the world, I can see how this story grabbed our nation's attention. After all, it contains many of the elements that make for a good, juicy story: an alleged crime, a good looking female, a strip club and breast milk. Football Survival Guide The NFL season has been over for some time now, and even the temporary fix known as the NFL Draft was over in late April. That means real football fans are going through some major withdrawal. Music and Messages For some reason, you have the urge to turn on the radio and suddenly a song begins to play and it melts your heart. You have this feeling that the radio station is playing this song, just for you. The words are loud and clear and they make so much sense to you. You've heard this song many times, but today, it seems to be speaking to you, giving you a message. The Art of Being Bored A friend of mine is working towards enlightenment (an oxymoron, I know, but just follow the story here). She meditates every day, trying to clear her mind and be in the moment. She's very good at it. So good, in fact, that she's discovered one thing they don't talk about much in spiritual studies: enlightenment is boring. Growing Up Newsflash, girls: Growing up is tough! And because when we're little, no one warns us about the trials and tribulations we are going to endure for the next 100 years of our lives, I am here to impart some practical wisdom: when the going gets tough, laugh. Handbags, purses and toolboxes, oh my! Never send a man to do a woman's job. You'd think I would have figured that out by now, but I haven't made my quota of mistakes just yet.