Bad Pants
by an Anonymous Girlposse.com Reader

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I agreed to meet my internet date at a TGI Friday's for drinks, and if the meeting went well, we would go to dinner. I got there about 20 mintues before he did and ordered a cocktail. I had only seen photos of him and he seemed very cute. Nice build, blonde, blue-eyed, just all around cute. Well, i am sitting in the bar area and he walks in. I recognize him from the photos and I am horrified by what I see. He has this totally over-inflated musclehead upper body and the tiniest bird legs you have ever seen. To make matters worse, his jeans are super tight, belted and hiked up to his nipples. It was pretty gross. I was terrified that one of my friends would be see me with the tight-pants man.

He sits down at the table with me and introduces himself. He downs about 3 screwdrivers in about 10 minutes and begins sweating like crazy. I try to ignore the sweating, but it is really distracting and I can't seem to concentrate on the conversation, which was about his cat that his ex-wife let get run over that afternoon. He just kept talking about that cat. Well, about 20 minutes into the one-sided cat conversation, his cell phone rings and he actually answered it! I said loudly how rude I thought that was and he apologized and ended his call. I couldn't believe this guy! Then he gets up to go to the bathroom and as he slides out of his chair, he hikes his pants up even further. I wanted to die. I couldn't look.

When he came back, he asked if I wanted to go to dinner. The alcohol must have been talking, so I agreed. I followed him in is station wagon to an Italian restaurant in my neighborhood that I suggested because I knew the food was going to be the only good part of this date. When we walk in the restaurant, he sees some people he knows sitting across the restaurant and yells "Hey, I know those guys!", hiking up his pants again. They immediately look over and pretend not to see him. I am so embarrassed that I tell him that our table is ready, and yank him to the hostess booth.

The saving grace?? I ate a fabulous dinner and because we were both sitting in a booth, I didn't have to look at his pants. I just kept downing wine. In all fairness, after the date, I just said that I didn't think we were a good fit. He wanted to kiss me, but I just couldn't. I gave up internet dating shortly thereafter...it only got worse.

~April 2004

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