Bad Date Stories
Belly Button Boy

So, I met this guy at a club I usually go to. He was 5'2" (I am 5'5", but I thought, why the heck not?). I make it a policy to not date anyone I meet there, but I thought why not... for once I gave someone a chance. I gave this guy, Jason, my e-mail address and I received an e-mail from him the next day asking me out on a date. I discussed it with my friends and they told me to go for it, so I said I would go.

He told me to meet him near his house, which was 40 minutes from mine and pick him up cause he didn't have a driver's license... yeah... 20 years old and no license. So, once again, another set back, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I picked him up and he had bought me a card that said "They meet by chance... they look they dance... voila romance". Kinda strange, but whatever. I noticed something I didn't notice in the club, though. He had a slight hearing problem so he spoke like he was deaf... kinda muffled... once again, not an issues, but with all things combined, it was enough to be a pain.

He then told me that he looked up the distance between his college and every college in the state where I go to school (I told him the state I went to school in, not where) so he could see how far I'd have to drive when we started dating... when... riiiight... So that creeped me out, but we went to the beach on oru date and he took me out to eat... at Mc Donald's... On the way in the door, he slapped my butt. I was unimpressed... We ordered our food... he ordered a Big Mac... this is important, remember it for later... While we waited for our food, he leaned over, pinched my cheeks, and said very loudly (cause he has a hearing problem, he spoke loud), "You have the cutest dimples I've ever seen." Um... I don't have dimples and he certainly should not be screaming that out at the counter of Mickey D's. We ate our food and he was the most disgusting eater I've ever seen... I don't even think the food went in his mouth, because it just sorta hit his face and fll out everywhere...

After we ate, we walked along the beach. I sat in the sand and he sat on my lap... Santa Claus style... Then he proceeded to tell em that he thought he was staring at his future lady... yeah right... Then he ksised me... this is where the Big Mac comes in... or out shall I say... I swear he was saving up some of that sandwich and passed it to me as he kissed me. I almost gagged in his face. He was the worst kisser ever... Then, he must've thought it would be flirty or something to throw sand down my shirt. So, I had very exfoliated cleavage by that point after he dumped handfuls of sand on me.

Then, la piece de resistance... He proceeded to stick... not poke, but stick... his finger inside my belly button. He left it there for a few seconds, which may not seem like much, but when someone's finger is in your belly button, that's a long time! After he did that, he asked me to be his girlfriend... I made up a bunch of excuses and drove him home.

On the way back to his house, he did what is my biggest pet peeve. I hate when people touch me while I am driving because it makes me feel very claustrophobic... So, he wrapped his arms around me and snuggled up into my neck and cuddled me as I was driving... Needless to say, I didn't go into his house when he asked me in and I also will never date anyone I meet at the club ever again!

~by Laura
~September 2003

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