Boyfriend from Hell
by = 'Aussie Sheila' aka Australian Girl

This wasn't one date, this was several. I was stupid enough to date Australia's biggest a*sehole for 8 months. It would take an entire novel to describe what's wrong with my ex, but as I don't have enough time or space, I will give a few 'highlights' of the relationship which was doomed from the beginning:

1. First meeting. His lip splits and he asks for a tissue to wipe of the blood. Also includes zombie impression, causing entire shopping complex to point and stare at well dressed girl with obviously retarded older man.

2. Second meeting. Says: "So. Wannabemygirlfriend?" I say no. he persists. I give in and say yes.

3. Early on in reltionship: "You seem to have a lot of 'male friends.' Im sick of hearing about them. I think you want to f*ck them all."

4. New Years Eve, 2001: Has a sad because I have a curfew. I didn't want to go to a party with him anyway because he was planning to get trashed and he was a acting like a jerk, as always. Abuses me loudly. Drags me back inside his house when I try to leave. I threaten to call the cops.Says he's sorry, he won't do it again.

5.We break up. He begs me to take him back. My parents say they want to lay down some ground rules. I want to see him suffer; I agree. They have a 'chat' to him. After, we go to a gathering at his friends house. On the way home, he says he's horny; he gets a some. (Silly me.) After he gets what he wanted, he abuses me nastily about my parents talking to him. "It's not like I'm a criminal. I'm a f*cking decent guy! I never should have taken you back when you begged me." (wtf??!!)

6. Every time I se him: "You're late. Have you been f*cking someone else?" Alternatively, "You're late. Did Mummy keep you at home? You're pathetic. She's pathetic. Your entire family is pathetic."

7. He goes to the movies with a female accquaintance of ours. Lies to her and says he has cleared it with me. Lies to me and sends me stupid SMS's saying "I'm shagging Dave." Eventually owns up to both of us. She says "Tell her you were with me or I will." He says to me "I'm so sorry I lied to you." Nex time I see him after that, he thinks for about 15 mins, saying nothing. I notice him clenching his fists and getting agitated. I wait for it. Right on time: "You went to the movies with Glenn and didn't tell me." So, he had cleared his conscience of that nasty little demon telling him he was a bad boy! Yeah, I went to the movies with my friend Glenn. The fact it was when d*ckhead and I weren't together was irrelevant to him!

8. At some stage tells me: "Dave says you've got small tits." Um, yeah thanks.

9. At his b'day party at a nightclub: First he got blind as a bat. Then he yelled at me because a friend of Dave's, whom spazzboy hated, turned up and I said "Hi" to him! Told me I should have called him a c*nt instead of saying hello. Then he pinned my arms behind me and whispered "youre nothing" in my ear several times. Then he told my friend she needed to go out and get a good "f*cking." Then he went quite mad and started screaming at me in front of everyone, "Your mums a bitch, your dad's boring. I'm a f*cking decent guy!" ...obviously...lol

10. I think I am doing the gf thing by coming to his house and cooking for him. he says "Make sure you do the dishes" and "that food wasn't really my thing."

11. I tell him that I'd like to act, to travel with a theatre troupe. Yep,you got it: "That's so you can give them all blow jobs."

12. I tell him he's welcome to come to lunch with me and my friend Glenn (who's 6 ft 8" and built like a brick sh*thouse!)and I get "no, i don't want to make it look like I'm checking up on you." Translation: "He knows I've hurt you and he will break me in half because I am a p*ssant." ..then, when I was 5 minutes, read that again ppl, 5 minutes, late to get to his place after said meeting, I heard (what else) "I bet you were f*cking him." Talk abut jealous and obsessed with sex!!!

Anyway I think you all get the idea. I got a clue after too damn long and told him there was someone esle. He naturally assumed I meant I had been "f*cking" (I hate that word now lol)someone else and said "goodbye slut", when the reality was I had trouble getting rid of him and the 'someone else' was someone I had chatted to once and liked the sound of...lol.

(incidentally I am now engaged to the 'someone else' and he is the sweetest man in the world. :o) )

~February 2004

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