What Beer Goggles Will Do For You
by an Anonymous Girlposse.com Reader

I had just moved away from my hometown by myself. I didn't know anyone in my new town. For the first few weeks, I stayed at my new house and met people on the internet. I've never been one to actually physically meet people from the online world of freaks and creepy people, but one guy seemed really nice and I liked his picture. (Yeah, I know, NEVER go by that alone. Hey, I was kinda lonely.)

So I gave this guy my address and pampered myself all day in preparation for my date (who will be referred to as Eric). I was all dressed up and had been waiting for over an hour and was beginning to worry that he wasn't going to show, when he called and asked directions from 3 blocks away from my house. Upon hearing his voice, I was slightly disappointed because he talked in monotone. The way a computer or robot does. I figured I could get past that though, because he had a good personality...I THOUGHT. That'll teach me to think.

When he arrived at my front door, I opened it to see a 5'8" tall man who weighed 130 lbs soaking wet, with a goatee, mouse-brown hair combed forward, big glasses, ratty clothes, and velcro shoes with dirty socks. Was it the same man I'd met online? Oh, yes....he was the same man in the picture, only 5 years later. I didn't want to be rude to him though, because I still had yet to see about his personality.

I invited him in and he went straight for my computer. He baffled me and gave me a headache with a lot of computer talk, and I suggested we go and pick up something to drink to help me cope with the disaster. I had to give him directions which he barely listened to while he talked on and on about his car in his monotone voice. Then we ended up speed-walking through WAL-MART to pick up a case of beer, which only I would drink because he was "not a big drinker"...big suprise, eh?

After our exhausting march through WAL-MART, we returned to my house because I was too mortified to be seen in public with him again, and I began to empty the case of beer. Eric talked about computers and his parents for over an hour and watched me drink.

After 4 beers, his conversation began to seem slightly amusing and I told him how dull and uptight he was. He didn't even have the decency to get offended!

After 6 beers, I stopped noticing his unattractive clothes and goofy glasses. (I'm by no means shallow, but this guy was honestly the biggest computer geek I'd ever seen.)

After 9 beers, I allowed him to kiss me since I was kinda being a tease, due to the alcahol.

12 beers, and I was in bed with him. I don't remember much about it, except that computer geeks aren't SO bad as you might think...

Anyway, he left right after and I woke up the next day with a message on my machine that said, "I had a rockin' time, can we please, please, please do it again? You make me so happy." I would have been happy to NOT have heard that, and he might even have gotten another drunken night out of me.

Unfortunately, desperation isn't attractive, even when I'm hung-over. Yeah, I don't talk to him anymore, and I definitely stick to meeting people outside of the computer world.

~January 2004

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