Dating No-No

The Jealous Type

In the beginning stages of a relationship it is easy to mistake jealousy for flattery. You know how it is: You’re out with your new guy at a club or restaurant. Another guy starts talking to you, or even flirting a little, and your date gets a little miffed.  Maybe your new guy gets angry because you weren’t home when he called like you said you would be. He was worried about you. He was only angry because he cares. Or maybe you’ve bought a new dress and your boyfriend voices the opinion that he doesn’t like it because it’s “too sexy” and guys will be hitting on you whenever you wear it. It is easy to take this as a compliment. Of course you’re sexy. Of course guys may flirt with you a bit. If your guy acts a little jealous it just means that he really likes you, right? Not always. If he acts jealous all of the time, or becomes hostile to others because of his jealousy, you better beware.

The “Jealous Type” doesn’t act this way out of love. He acts this way out of a sense of control, insecurity and / or need. His jealousy will eventually fade from cute and flattering to embarrassing and stifling. The longer you date, the worse his behavior can become. If he is only occasionally showing signs of jealousy, you may be OK. But if you feel like he is starting to control you, it is a good time to leave. You should take warning if he does the of the following:

• He begins to discourage you from going out with your friends, or makes it hard for you to do so.
• He calls you constantly throughout the day just to say “hi” on days when you don’t plan to see each other.
• He decides what you can and can not wear in public.
• He wants to know where you are and what you are doing at all times.
• He accuses you of lying about where you’ve been or who you have been out with.
• He becomes angry or violent when you talk to other guys.

It seems romantic in the movies when a man fights for his woman and becomes insane with jealousy. In reality, it can be a real turn off. Unless you want to live like a possession. Because that is all you’ll be with a “Jealous Type”.

~Trixie, November 2000

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