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Happily Married - Or Not
(by Sheila)

I was inspired to write this due to some harmless flirting with a cutie I considered to be off limits eye candy. He was married and seemed to pay no attention to me so the word 'happily' is one I generally used to precede the word married for his situation. These two words together I have been told become an oxy moron, which is incredibly sad if you think about it.

Why is it so hard for so many to be 'happily married'? I'm sure I'll never know first hand. I've seen and experienced too much in my life and the lives of those around me to believe in marriage and the vows at the ceremonies which talk about honoring thy partner. Show me a happily married couple and I'll show you that the exterior looks happy enough, but start to look inside and there are usually problems of some sort.

Some just get married for the wrong reasons. They long to have children and a good mother or father for the children comes into their lives at the right time or maybe they had to get married due to an out of wedlock pregnancy looming overhead.

There may be those who just got married too young because it seemed right at the time, but maybe the love wasn't as real as they believed it to be at the time of life they where in. It seemed like love but without having experienced much in the way of love and heartache, do we really know what true love is?

My least favorite marriage culprits are the ones who settle down for security. They need a partner to become their substitute parent. Someone to take care of them rather than be a partner to them. This I guess works when children are involved.

For some it is the 7-8 year itch which is amongst the most common of problems. Boredom starts to set in. The honeymoon period is over. Some people grow together and others grow apart. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, just a time for change. A time to either renew your love with each other or to move on before the happiness fades to a distant memory which you can barely remember.

If doubt sets into the minds of a married couple as to their actual happiness, then it might be time to look at the big picture. Sure, there may be children and/or financial security involved, but in the big scheme of things, if the world was to blow up tomorrow would you rather be happy or just content? Happiness comes at a price to be sure, but sometimes we have to pay the price so as to not have any regrets. If I knew that I was to cease to exist tomorrow then I hope that I would have chosen the happy path in life for myself and not the content and safe path.

~Sheila, August 2002

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