Communication that Really Improves Relationships
By Alina Ruigrok

Communication is something we all know is necessary to keep any relationship strong and loving, and although we are aware of the importance of communication, we still seem to be clueless about what exactly good communication really is. This does not mean you are clueless as a person, but it does mean that more attention is required on your part, so that you can become more open and invite the many forms of communication that exist, so that you will be able to understand yourself and your partner much better. There is nothing that keeps a relationship healthy, better than understanding and once you start becoming more familiar with your communicating styles, as well as your partners, you will be able to work better as a team in making the best of your relationship.

The first step in achieving better communication that will really work, is to take a look at you first. People always tend to turn to their partner first when things are not running so smoothly in their relationship. They automatically start pointing out what their partner is doing or not doing, as well as how their partner is not listening to them. This may all be true depending on your particular situation, but it is important that you take the responsibility in reviewing your own actions and communication first, before you can point anything out in your partner. Remember, it is very easy to see other people's mistakes, but when it comes to looking at you, it is much harder to accept criticism, even from yourself- because no one wants to be wrong. This is where you need to get real about things. Communication is not about who is right or wrong, but instead about helping each other see things from each other's perspective, so that you can be on the page and avoid any misunderstanding that will cause unneeded arguments.

Get winning out of your mind. So many couples claim to have tried communication, but it does not seem to work. If this is your case, then the best thing would be to slow down, calm down and take a few steps back. Perhaps communication is not working for your relationship, but what method of communication are you using? You see, communication itself cannot be the problem or the ineffective ingredient, because communication is the main key to a healthy relationship, so it must be the way you and your partner are communicating. When you or your partner talks to each other, do one or both of you talk to win the conversation, or to actually reach a level of understanding of each other's needs and wants? Believe it or not, it is very common for people to focus on being right and trying to convince their partner of seeing things their way, instead of just sharing what they think and feel so their partner can understand what they mean and what they need.

Listening is so important if you truly wish to accomplish good communication that will improve your relationship. Are you really listening to what your partner is saying to you, or are you waiting to get things off you chest and make your points? Listening may sound like an easy enough thing to do, but many confuse it with hearing. Hearing what your partner is saying versus listening to them, are indeed very different. Listening involves true dedication and your full attention to the words your partner is serving to you, as well as the tones and expressions that go along with those words. Listening means that you are interested in learning more about what your partner is making an effort to tell you and making the emotional connection needed in order to achieve your relationship goals together. Keep in mind that when in a relationship, all communication between partners has to be open, honest, non-judgmental and patient, if you are to succeed and maintaining a happy and healthy relationship.

Communication is not so complicated, once you understand what the right way communicating is, and of course- what methods of communication works for you and your communication best. Effective communication cannot happen on it's own or with the efforts of only one person. Both you and your partner have to be open and willing to work as a team on improving the way you communicate, so that you both can enhance your relationship skills and build a relationship where you both will have an understanding of who you are as individuals and what you both need and want. Just remember to stay real with yourself and avoid painting a foggy and falsified picture- so that you will never be caught off guard with nay-painful surprises or stressful misunderstandings.

~May 2003

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Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.
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