The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up Quiz
by Delphine Hirsh

QUIZ #1
Is it really a breakup?

This quiz can be helpful, but mostly it is a good way for you to distract yourself when you might otherwise be out keying your ex-boyfriend's car. It may make you feel better to see if your breakup is really legitimate.

Has the, man in question ever asked you on a date?
If the, answer is NO: I have a friend who imagines herself into relationships. I think the clinical term for it is erotomania. The more colloquial term for it is ridiculous, and this kind of behavior is guaranteed to make your friends want to change their phone numbers. If you have never been asked out by the person you feel is breaking up with you, you should seek professional help and fast It is a appropriate to feel disappointment when someone you are interested in does not seem interested in you-yeah, it hurts that he's started going out with someone else or never returned your call-but you are not in the throes of a breakup.
If the answer is YES: Read on.

Have you slept with him?
This is a tricky question.
If the answer is YES, but it turned out to be a one-night stand: If it feels like a big deal, first of all relax. Everyone, everyone, makes a few mistakes. Fire off a nasty note to the women who wrote The Rules and take a bubble bath. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault that he turned out to be a total jerk. How were you to know? As a male friend pointed out to me, if a guy really likes you, he won't care that you slept with him right away. You are not in a break-up. I'm not saying that it's a great idea to sleep with a guy right away, but you never know where the chips are going to fall. Cheer up. You have a lot of company.
If the answer is YES, often: Read on.
If the answer is NO but you have been together for more than a month: Are you Amish? Read on.
If the answer is NO and you have known him for less than a month: An expensive haircut-including sexy highlights-and a few evenings out with your girlfriends talking about how guys suck should take care of the problem. If it doesn't, again you may want to seek professional help.

Were you together more than three months?

Three months may seem arbitrary. Of course, every relationship progresses at different speeds. If the answer is NO: Most likely you are not really going through breakup hell. However, there are five fairly reasonable exceptions.

Exception #1: You knew your ex for a long time before you started going out.
Exception #2: You had the immediate feeling that this was the love of your life and you never wavered from that feeling during the time, albeit brief, that you were together.
Exception #3: All of your friends are in relationships and the thought of being alone again is extra-unbearable.
Exception #4: This breakup has brought back the trauma of a previous breakup that you are still grieving over and you just need a little extra guidance.
Exception #5: You are an exquisitely sensitive individual who finds the loss of any relationship heart-wrenching (i.e., you wept uncontrollably when your mailman moved to a new route).

If any of these apply: Read on.
If the answer is YES: Read on.

Did you live together:
Honey, if the answer is YES, definitely read on.

At this point, I have loosely defined what constitutes a real breakup and what just requires a cocktail and some shopping. For those of you still on board, let's get down to business.

~February 2003

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This quiz is an excerpt from the hilarious book, The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up by Delphine Hirsh.
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