Abstinence vs. Safe Sex
(beyond your teenage years)

We’ve all heard the sermons, preaches and clichés: “Only ‘bad’ girls go all the way.â€?  “Why buy the cow when he gets his milk for free?â€? “Save yourself for your wedding night.â€?  Yadda yadda yadda. Growing up, it was pounded in our young heads that abstinence was not only the best policy – it was the only one. The statistics and horror stories backed up that reasoning. We were taught about diseases: both embarrassing (crabs, venereal warts) and deadly (AIDS, Gonorrhea). We heard the awful rumors about the “slutâ€? who got pregnant at 15 and had to drop out of high school or the cheerleader that “did itâ€? with half the football team and became the laughingstock of the school.  Most of all, we were told that there’s only one thing boys want – but once they get it they won’t want you any more.

I’m sure this was all taught with the best intentions in mind. After all – as I look back on my teenage years, I’m thankful I didn’t sleep with the people I dated. Especially those that I was convinced I was in love with – only to break up with a week later. It was harder than hell saying “no� sometimes. Despite what they say – I know for a fact that there are times when girls only want one thing, too. Yet saying no seemed like the right thing to do – and it was easy to do because of what we were taught. Heck –I could always blame being “frigid� on my parents. If I were caught – they would kill me! And I’ll admit it – part of me liked believing in the little fairy tale romance leading to my wedding night “first time.�

But now I’m in my 20’s. The fairy tale has begun to resemble reality less and less. How realistic is it for me to remain abstinent until marriage? Not very – as I don’t see myself living a life of celibacy. After all – what if I don’t meet Prince Charming? At the same time, I don’t believe in one-night stands (at least not for myself) or in casual flings. I’m sure some of my past relationships were hindered by my lack of sexual performance. But that’s OK, because any guy that would break up with me over it isn’t the right guy for me to be with anyway. I know that when I begin a relationship with the right man, it will feel right. I know that I won’t have these doubts floating around in the back of mind. He’ll be patient and will not only tolerate my insistence for condoms, he will encourage it. Because as much as I know I want to sleep with someone, I want to be careful. It’s not worth risking my life or health to let some guy get away with not wearing a condom. Not to mention pregnancy. Heck, I find it hard to commit to a guy; I know I’m not ready to commit to motherhood.

I don’t regret not having slept with the men I’ve had relationships with. I know my time will come. I’m happy in the fact that I’m smarter, and surer of myself than I used to be. I know now that I can say no without feeling guilty. I know that I don’t have to sleep with a man to keep him. I’m comfortable enough with my knowledge of birth control and contraception to make an informed decision when the time comes. But most of all, I finally have learned what I was told all along – that sex is something special and meaningful between two people in love. I want to be in love with the person I’m intimate with. Maybe if everything works out right, we’ll get married and live the fairy tale life after all. :-)

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