Breaking Up is Hard to Do

This is one of those things that I wish I didn't know about. Heartache and pain from breaking up with someone who seems to have had a change a heart. You still feel the same way, but he woke up feeling 'different.' I may never understand how this relationship thing is supposed to work. All I can do for now is to figure out how to deal with the unbearable breakup.

First off, it is imperative to take a deep breath and not say or do anything you may regret. Believe me. I've done both.  I have a fear of becoming famous and having ex-boyfriends sell my emotional letters or emails to the Inquirer. How embarrassing, especially when I look back now at what losers some of those guys were. There isn't really a chance of my becoming famous, so I guess I needn't be too worried, but you never know. I remember driving cross town to where an ex was working. I slithered my way up the alley to where he parked his bike behind the store he worked in. On the seat I left a dead rose and the CD single of Liar by Henry Rollins. On an other occasion, I had a guy cheat on me, so I broke up with him. Next thing I know, he gets into my apartment and writes on my bedroom mirror, with my lipstick, that he was dead, and was I happy. He is now married with children and my name isn't allowed to be mentioned in his home. I'm not sure why, but I do wonder if he regrets his actions. The actions of the cheating on me and the writing on the mirror. Men do crazy things too, so it isn't only women who can get a little nuts during an emotional break up. Wait until you have calmed down. Write down all your feelings on paper. Put the paper in the freezer. If after a week or three, you still feel the need to vent at him, just keep in mind that whatever you say and do, may take away any chance for reconciliation. If that is okay, vent away.

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Instead of wasting your time and energy with endless questions of why is it over, use this energy for more positive things. Hang out with your friends. Take up a hobby. Read a book. Find things to do which fill your mind with positives and take your mind off the heart breaker. I've found that writing for web sites helps me a little.

Know that it is okay to be sad and hurt. Sometimes these things take a long time to get over. Wounds don't heal overnight, especially the broken heart type of wound. He may want to be friends. This may be possible, eventually, but not until you are over him. You can only be friends when you have moved on with your life and when you will be okay seeing him with another woman. I cannot be friends with guys who broke my heart. I know this and so do they. Okay, they probably wouldn't want to be friends considering how psycho they have seen me. One ex actually thought I was going to run him down with my car. I wasn't. Honest. I didn't even come close to it.

Take the time to learn from the experience. Write down the positives; what you learnt, how you would do things differently next time, how you felt before, during and after the relationship. Writing can help cleanse your heart and soul. Sometimes it may take a lot of writing.

If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry. If you feel like venting, call your best friend and get everything off your chest. She may not know what to say, but a good friend will listen and be there for you in other ways. Listen to your heart and go with it. Cry, vent, scream if it helps. If you need to scream, try doing that in the middle of a park where no one is likely to call the police. Playing laser tag may help. You can imagine that the kids running around are your ex and this is your chance to beam him with a laser. I have found that finding humor in the situation helps. It isn't easy, but you could try drawing horns on old photos of the ex and reading witches spells that you can imagine casting on him. Being a little nuts like this is okay. As long as no-one gets hurt, as long as you won't regret what you have said or done, and as long as it makes you feel better, be a little crazy.

If you have any other ideas on how to deal with a heart aching breakup, we would love to hear them.

Heartache Gal

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