If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

Over an over again I'm hearing the same complaint from women. "My guy wants to or has to for his career or other motivating factor, move to another city, state or even country, and hasn't even taken me or our relationship into consideration. He is leaving and hasn't asked me to go with him, or spoken about what this all means to our relationship."

Now, if I had just heard this from one or two women, I wouldn't have given it too much thought, but I'm hearing it from so many women that I have to ask the questions. "Men, what gives? Are you that selfish that you can love them and leave them? Loving only for today, as tomorrow you may have a new destiny? I even spoke to a single male friend about this and he took the side of the attached males. Even if he was in love with a women, he would leave her if it meant a chance at a new or better job or because he wanted to be near his friends and so on.

It doesn't even seem to cross the minds of these male creatures that maybe if they asked their girlfriend if she would move too, she just might. Or if the guy does think about it, he lets the thought pass quickly through his small brain for fear of rejection if he should ask his sweetheart to join him and she says no, or he doesn't wish to be responsible for her not liking the new destiny. Men, leave the egos for the football field and understand that we want to be asked to join you and we will take full responsibility for our own happiness even if we realize that we made a mistake. If we have been in a loving, long lasting relationship with you and you love us back, then treat us as a friend and a partner. Talk to us about the move and let us decide if we wish to join you. Don't decide for us. You may be surprised by the outcome of the discussion and the situation. As women, we love you not only for today, but for tomorrow as well.

I know of one young woman who's guy was moving to another state across the country, and didn't ask her to join him. Bravely she went anyway and they are now happily married and neither could be happier. What if she was like most women and waited to be asked? Her now husband may be asking himself, "What if?" Not all of us though are that brave to follow without an invitation. We need to be wanted.

Personally, I moved away from a potential relationship many years ago. Yes, a potential one. It didn't actually exist but could have and should have. If the young man I was attracted to at the time had asked me to stay or even after I had left, had asked me to come back, I would have. It has been years since this particular situation occurred, but I know deep down he would still like us to have a relationship, but he just can't say the words. I'm tempted to ask him to come and be with me, but then that poses the question as to whether a guy will feel that his 'manliness' will be taken away if he follows a woman rather than have the woman follow him. We are still friends, but their is the underlying knowing that we should be more.

Another situation I know of occurred when an extremely happy couple were together for quite some time and shared some incredible experiences together which grew their friendship to such a closeness that it ached for them to be apart. But alas, the selfish male missed his friends and home town, so opted to head back there, leaving his loved one behind with promises of a continued relationship, and a promise that they would be together again somehow, somewhere, only he was never to be heard from again. This gal would have moved across the world to be with him. He didn't want to be responsible for her happiness or potential lack of it, therefore threw away a great relationship to be with his mates and for home town security.

Guys, if you love a woman, learn to communicate, sacrifice and share the relationship. There are two of you involved in it, both with much at stake. It is no longer the eighties, No longer a me, me, me society. We as women are here for you to love you and support you in your life's decisions and only ask the same in return. As long term girlfriends we are partners with emotions and the ability to love you beyond today. We are not disposable rags to be thrown out when you are finished with us. We are capable of having our own lives and sharing one with you. We are not like men. We know how to do both.

Trust me when I say this, the last thing you want to do is upset a woman who has loved you through thick and thin. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and you just make life unbearable for the next guy that wants to date your ex. You could also be the guy who wants to date someone else's ex, and you will end up paying for his sins. Put your egos on hold, understand that loving relationships won't kill you and just go with the flow. If you love your woman but are unhappy with other aspects of your life or for some reason need to change them, tell her. If she loves you back she will listen and you won't have to follow the path to a new destiny alone. You can do it with a friend, your partner, your non disposable gal who will stand by your side
through the good times and through the bad. Do you really want to take the path alone?

Sheila, September 2000

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